The New Zone

This episode is mainly about an actionable tip that can help you get out of your comfort zone. But it will also give you something bigger than that.

Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is yours truly Sayar Henry and I’m back with another episode. Today, I’m going to share with you a new perspective that I have recently uncovered. I’m really excited to talk about it and I think you are going to like it very much too because it will help you deal better with change and achieve new things in your life. Yup! You heard it right. I’m going to give you an advice that may help you get out of your comfort zone and adapt to new things whether it is related to education, business, or even relationship, depending on how you define the word ‘new’. So sit back, relax, and observe what I have to say.

Now first of all, I have to give you the context from which this perspective emerged. I wouldn’t have come across with this line of thought had I not given a chance to talk intimately to some of my students. A few weeks ago, in my class, some of the students were practicing speaking skill with me and one of them started to ask a question which was related to passion and success. I may not remember the exact words she used at that time, but I’m sure she was talking about whether or not she should go forward with her passion or listen to her parents and follow their plan.

When I was asked this question, the first thing that came to my mind was how frequent that topic shows up in conversations. I mean there is a prevalent notion among young people that one should follow one’s passion in order to succeed, right? It’s almost like a cliché to say that when a person dedicates his or her passion, success will undoubtedly follow. While it may sound nice and even true in some cases, it is easier said than done for most people.

So if you ever ask me this kind of question, I’d always give you the same response – that you should do what you love and what you are obliged to in parallel. In another word, you should do both! For example, if you have a day job and a totally unrelated passion, you should not rush into quitting the day job to work on your dream project. You should keep your day job while also working on your passion as a side project before you eventually shift the proportion of these two loads. That way, when things don’t work out as quickly you expect, you can still use your day job as a safety net, right?

So I told that student to follow her parents’ plan for the time being, and also to start working on her passion in her free time. At the same time, I couldn’t help thinking about the people I know in real life who said they would start their own business many years ago but never made it into reality.

Then I started to ask these questions in the back of my mind:

Why have they not become a business owner?

Why aren’t they pursuing their passion now?

And most importantly, why is it that most of us find it hard to start something new, or even to just change our path?

Now, I know a thing or two about starting something new so I’m just going to explain it first. There is one big reason people can’t start their journey on new projects or goals – they are overambitious with their passion projects. They think too good and too big, too soon, and want to start something too perfectly even from the beginning phase. Because of that greed and sudden change in direction, the brain automatically realizes that the body is on its way to hitting a significantly larger discomfort soon. And because our brains are designed for survival to protect us, the defense mechanism kicks in, and it signals us to stop our efforts entirely. Simply put, the nature of our brain pushes us back into our comfort zone so that it can help us avoid the potential discomfort we may experience from trying. 

So how do we work around it?

How do we minimize this defense mechanism of our brain so that we can do something new and grow?

Well, based on my past experiences, the answer is simple – our goals must be action-oriented. I mean we should always start with actionable and achievable goals whenever we intend to create something new in our life. We don’t have to take big steps to change our life. We just need to take baby steps in the right direction. For example, when you need to speak a new language for a new job, instead of looking at the people who are already speaking well in that language and feeling discouraged because of your poor skill, you should focus more on simpler tasks. Maybe you should focus on pronouncing the most basic vowel sounds clearly. Maybe you should focus on memorizing the most common phrases. Or maybe you should just focus on greeting and introducing yourself to other people in that language.

The good thing about taking baby steps is that you get to see your progress from the get-go. it’s like, “Hey, I didn’t know how to greet you in French this morning but now I know”. When people see progress, they feel motivated and want to continue the journey. When you want to continue the journey and do so, it’s only a matter of time before you arrive at the destination. That’s why I recommend you guys to start with baby steps no matter how big your dream is.

Now that I’ve explained why it is hard for us to start something new and how we can overcome it, let’s think about the other part of the question. Why do we struggle to accept change?

Well, based on my observations in life so far, most people tend to overdramatize when it comes to dealing with change by focusing on things they don’t have or can’t control. Their natural inclination is to compare what they now have against what they had before, making the difference seem bigger than it really is.

Allow me to explain better with an example.

Let’s say there is a bus you take to your work every morning. You’re used to going to the bus stop every day and wait for it. But one day, someone informs you that the bus is no longer coming to your stop because it is assigned to a new route.

Now, think about what you would do, and what your emotional response would be. If you’re like most people, I think you would be complaining about this sudden change while also thinking repeatedly about how convenient it was before and how inconvenient it is now. Yes?

When we experience a sudden change like that, we usually find ourselves looking for ways to get back to the old ways rather than accepting the change and adapting to the new circumstances. For most of us, old means familiar, and familiar means safe. On the other hand, change means new, and new means unknown, and unknown means unsafe. Not surprisingly, feeling unsafe and uncomfortable summons our defense mechanism. It’s an instinct. We can’t blame our brain to be wired that way because it’s just doing its job – to protect us from potential discomfort and danger. But having said that, we can train ourselves to respond better to change.

Earlier, I mentioned that when we are faced with an unexpected change we naturally tend to focus disproportionately on the difference between before and after we experience that change. I’d like to call that difference as a gap.

Now think about this. When you don’t have a reason to think or talk about a red car while you are on the road, you don’t see any red car at all, do you? But once you start thinking about red cars, you start to see more red cars on the road. That’s a very common phenomenon, and there is nothing magical about it. You see, once you start thinking about red cars, your brain becomes more aware of its surrounding and starts to look for the similar items and patterns. When that happens, you start to ‘notice’ the red cars that are already there on the road and you feel like red cars keep appearing magically. It’s just a matter of noticing more of similar things after you openly register it to yourself.

What I’m trying to say is when you’re looking for something, you see it more than when you’re not looking for anything. It means when you keep thinking about the inconveniences the change is giving you to endure, it becomes harder for you to see and appreciate all the good things and new opportunities that change has to offer. All your attention is on the gap and only on the gap. But the more gap there is, or so you see, between what you want and what you have in the new situation, the more resistance you feel toward accepting this change, and the harder you get pushed back into your comfort zone.

To overcome this nature, we have to make the gap seem as small as possible. And here comes the role of taking baby steps, again.

If you want to succeed in accepting and adapting to change, the crucial step is to stop focusing on the differences. After that, the next logical move would be to start looking for the smallest step you can take to get away from the old situation. In another word, it’s not about taking a big step towards the new situation. It’s about taking a small step away from the old situation which we all know as our comfort zone.

My friends, if you can do that, you will be able to handle change a little bit better. From there, you can take more steps and more action toward the new situation, which we define as our growth zone.

If you look back on what I have told you just now, you’ll notice how important taking baby steps is. It can help us not only in creating new things, but also in adapting to change. Isn’t that great? It is.

But there is still one more area that I want to discuss.

When you talk to people about personal development related stuff, they will tell you how important it is to get out of your comfort zone if you want to grow and become more successful. But what most of them don’t tell you is that even when you manage to get out of that comfort zone and reach your growth zone, the journey is not complete. I mean when you stay in your growth zone for long enough, it becomes your new comfort zone and there will be another one – perhaps a bigger zone – that you haven’t touched. It’s like there is always a mountain higher than the one you have just conquered. In that sense, the uphill journey of life never ends for all of us. So somewhere down the line, we have to know and accept our limit. Eventually, we will have to learn that growth is not the only aspect of life that matters to us. If trying to grow is making you unhappy, there is something wrong with your process. I mean pursuing growth doesn’t have to mean sacrificing happiness.

For me personally, I’m the kind of guy who is not interested in so called comfort zone and growth zone. I prefer to live my life in what I call ‘The Happy Zone’.

Now you may be wondering if Happy Zone is like Comfort Zone.

But no, my friend. It’s not the same. That’s not what I’m talking about, so let me explain.

For me, happiness lies in doing what I love which is creating and teaching. I create my own courses and I teach these to my students. From the outside, people would think that I’ve been teaching for years and therefore I’d be already in my comfort zone, and that there’s no way for me to grow more than this as teaching must be easy for an established teacher like me. But what most people don’t realize is that I keep creating new ways to teach, and that I keep figuring out better ways to deliver the same courses I had created in my past. Besides, I also have to keep creating refreshing episodes for my podcast too. Doing that is not easy even for an experienced podcaster. Every weekend is stressful for me because I want to create a quality episode that is somehow different from what I have done previously. If I’m in the comfort zone, I don’t think I’ll even experience stress like that. I mean I don’t even have to create this podcast. My life is already fine just by teaching. But I made a conscious choice to create this podcast, and to make it better episode after episode, season after season.

By now, you may be wondering how I define whether I’m in a comfort zone or in a happy zone. Here’s how.

If I feel comfortable but not excited or happy, then I must be in the comfort zone.

On the other hand, if I feel excited, energetic, and hopeful, even though I’m not very comfortable due to deadlines and stress, then I’m in the happy zone for sure. Because that’s when I know I’m creating or working towards something. As simple as that.

So, my friends, if you like this concept of happy zone, you should start evaluating yourself to know which zone you are in.

If you are feeling happy and excited regardless of your comfortable level, then you don’t have to change a thing at all, because you are already in the happy zone. In that case, just listen to your inner voice and keep working in that direction.

But, if you are feeling comfortable but not happy and motivated, you might want to change something and add some challenges to your life. It’s time for you to figure out what and where your happy zone is.

And when you see it, go for it.

Growth will simply follow.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the end of this episode and I really hope you got something from this. If you love this podcast and feel like you want to be a meaningful part of my journey in giving educational and inspirational content for free for all the students and the people of Myanmar in general, you can support this podcast by contributing just 1 dollar a month on Patreon.

It’s http://www.patreon.com/sayarhenry.

I’ll also put the link in the episode description. But don’t feel pressured, my friend.

Even if you can’t afford to support, my podcast will remain free for everyone, and I’ll keep creating more on my journey. The fact that you guys are repeatedly listening to my episodes already means so much to me. Thank you so much for spending time with me like this, and I will see you in the next one. Goodbye for now.