Let There Be Pain

When every self-improvement tip you know isn’t working, there’s still one more tool that life can offer you. Find out more about this ultimate tool, and get inspired by the real life experiences and memories of the host.

Hey guys, you’re listening to Voice of Sayar Henry podcast. And this is episode number 64. Welcome to the show!

In this episode, I’m going to talk about what I think is one of the most fundamental aspects of life: Pain. 

Yeah, you heard it right, ladies and gentlemen. This is going to be deeply personal. Perhaps one of the very few episodes on this podcast that sprang out as a result of real-life motivation. In fact, this episode was supposed to be out since June because that was when yours truly was overwhelmed with waves of emotions in his personal life. But unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how I may have to look back at this piece of work in future, I was also equally overwhelmed with a lot of work-related stuff too. So I didn’t get a chance to develop the script in the way that I wanted, which is why you are hearing this now in the second week of September.   

So, anyway, you can say that this episode is like a personal journal of some sort because in this, I’m going to share what pain means to me at this stage of my life. That means it’s going to cover why I think pain is important, how I personally process pain and learn to embrace it, and how I turn the table and use pain as a tool in my life journey. If that sort of thing excites you, or sounds right up your alley, sit back and observe what I have to say. 

Several months ago, I was organizing an advanced speaking exercise for my students who came from different backgrounds and were of different age range. The goal of the exercise was to help them figure out what they want to pursue in their life, what they need to do to get there, and if they really should put their life in that direction. 

The way I did was by asking them self-reflective questions. So during the exercise, one of the students revealed his struggle that he had been wasting his days mostly on social media. And he also told us that even though he had been trying to incorporate some workout sessions in his daily life, he couldn’t quite get it done consistently. And the interesting thing to me is, in an exercise where other students are talking about achieving a higher sense of purpose with their lives, this boy was talking about a seemingly unrelated category of struggle. 

At that moment, something came across my mind: I suddenly remembered that this boy was still a teenager and that if he were to change his ways at that point of his life, he would need to experience a degree of pain that he had never gone through before. And obviously, here I’m not talking about physical pain; I’m referring to emotional pain. 

Now I know it might sound a little too harsh for a teenage boy because people would argue there are other ways a person can change such as reading books, learning from mentors, or other positive experiences.    

And I also know that people say such things because they want to sound politically correct in general. But here is the truth: as much as knowledge, inspiration and motivation are important, pain is also a necessary and inevitable part of life that can be useful if we channel it the right way. 

If we look back at our lives honestly, we will see that going through pain had taught us many life lessons. And pain comes in many different forms and varying degrees. Sometimes it comes as unfortunate accidents or tragic incidents we can’t control. Sometimes it is having to deal with unpleasant or difficult people. Sometimes it is about going through a heartbreaking affair, or maybe getting stuck in a toxic or abusive relationship. Or sometimes it’s about suffering from the consequences of poor life choices or bad decisions we made in the past. 

Even in the world of fictions and comics, pain is a recurring theme that is used to change people in powerful ways. Sometimes it creates villainous characters, or other times it gives birth to beloved and iconic superheroes such as Spiderman or Batman. 

It’s fascinating what pain can do to people, isn’t it?

So, since that moment in my class after the conversation with that teenage boy, this thought about how pain can be instrumental in our life has been sticking around in my mind. It just didn’t go away. So I decided to give a deeper look at the concept and tried to get something out of it by comparing it with my life experiences. 

I started digging my childhood memories to see what kind of pain that I went through and what kind of path I ended up taking because of those experiences. In a way, I was looking for some clues of how pain had shaped the trajectory of my life at least in some regards.

One of the first things I recalled was the unpleasant memories related to my father’s drinking. Now I’m not saying that my dad was an alcoholic, because he’s not. It’s just that whenever there was some level of alcohol in his blood, he became a very different – and difficult – person that my mom and the rest of the family struggled to deal with. It’s like all the bitter conversations or fights between mom and dad happened when, and only when, he was drinking. So this pain in my childhood forged an impression on me that alcohol is something I should never fall a victim to.

And as a result, I became this young lad who had never drunk alcoholic beverages until well into his late 20s. Even then, I was very intentional. The only reasons or occasions I would choose to drink would be when I could use it as a tool – a social lubricant that could benefit me in building work-related relationships or special occasions with my very close friends. And that was it. Even now in my late 30s, I drink only 3 or 4 times a year, and I have successfully maintained it that way. So I suppose this painful and unpleasant memory related to my father’s alcohol consumption helped me choose a better direction.       

Then my mind jumped from that point of my life to a later phase where I was struggling through finance matters related to my parents’ health issues. I was lucky that I didn’t have to go through that alone because I was surrounded by family members and other kind-hearted people who were willing to help us out financially or otherwise. But the fact that I couldn’t afford to give my parents the best possible care available in the healthcare system because of the financial constraints was immensely painful. And having to make extremely difficult decisions and letting go of both of them one after another in the span of just 13 months will always be an agonizing memory in my life no matter how many times I recall these moments. 

But this painful experience also pushed me to reevaluate the business side of everything I had been doing up to that point, and it effectively shaped how I would make finance decisions moving forward. As much as it was painful to let go of my parents a decade or more earlier than what I used to imagine, this experience paved the way for me to become emotionally independent and it also gave me an opportunity to redefine my priorities in life. 

Then about 4 years later, the girl who I thought would become my life partner decided to end our relationship and I was struck with sadness again. This time too, it was hard for me to move on or even to just pick myself up. And just as I was saying before, every pain we go through in our life comes with a valuable lesson. In this case, the lesson I got from the breakup, even though it took me a while, was the adoption of the abundance mindset. 

I will explain more about this mindset in a second, but now a little bit of advertisements for the listeners in the US. If your device is not associated with a US location, you might not hear it. Anyway, here it comes. 

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And we are back to the show!

Now as I was saying, I’m going to elaborate on how I learned to adopt the abundance mindset after my relationship went sideways. 

But before that, let me tell you about a different mindset. 

For most of us who are not super rich, we have this tendency to approach life with a scarcity mindset. Now, the scarcity mindset is a belief system in which people perceive limitations or lack of resources in their lives. When we are under the influence of this mindset, we often focus on what we don’t have or what we’re missing. As a result, we feel anxious, overly competitive, or fearful about not having enough, whether it’s related to money, opportunities, or other resources. This mindset can lead to a sense of insecurity and a constant drive to pursue what we don’t have, often at the expense of other aspects of life.

Now, on the other side of the spectrum, we have the abundance mindset. This is a belief system that emphasizes the opportunities, resources, and possibilities that life entails. People with abundance mindset tend to focus on creating growth or opportunities by utilizing what they have or what life throws at them. This abundance mindset can foster a sense of gratitude, contentment, and confidence in our ability to create a fulfilling life. In a simpler term, the abundance mindset focuses on how life is not about what we have, but about what we do with what we have. 

So coming back to the part of my life where my heart was broken into pieces, I realized that the only way for me to get back on track was to focus on what became available when I was no longer in a committed relationship. 

But, it didn’t come easy at first. I mean if you have any experience whatsoever in a relationship breakup, you know how hard it is to fall asleep at night or any time of the day when you’re not seriously occupied with something, right? That happened to yours truly too.

But eventually, I learned how to turn my late-night hours and emotions into something productive: I started working on new projects that I had always wanted to try but never got a chance to. 

Case in point: this podcast wouldn’t have been created in the way it has been if it weren’t for those late-night experiments that I did as part of my desperate attempts to escape from the pain I was going through. During those experiments, I rediscovered my love for instrumental music and had a chance to reconnect with my artistic side.  

Now, many of my listeners already know that this podcast came into existence out of necessity. It was what the People of Myanmar — or at least the people in my social circle — needed in June 2021. But while the topics I chose to talk about were educational, the tone and the delivery of each episode was dictated by a sense of creativity. And that creativity was driven by my efforts in healing myself and redirecting my emotion towards an artistic outlet. So, in a way, I managed to grab what life threw at me, channeled it into a positive direction, and turned the table to create something valuable for myself as well as for a much larger audience that I never knew I would get.

In another word, I was gradually developing and practicing the abundance mindset even though I was not aware of it. I mean of course it sucked in the beginning as I was struggling to figure out my next step; but it all started to make sense once I understood what this pain was teaching me. 

I mean, think about it: in a world where most people consider spending the rest of our lives with someone special as ideal, waking up and living through each day with an abundance mindset is probably the best alternative for anyone who stands out from the crowd. 

Sure, if I find someone later on, I can join the crowd and appreciate what a long-lasting relationship can offer. But if I don’t, it’s also okay. The abundance mindset has already shown me another way of life. And the lesson might not have been clear enough had I not gone through that level of pain.   

So, my message to you guys is to not be afraid of pain or getting hurt. Because what is perceived as unfortunate or agonizing today might be an invaluable lesson in disguise. If you take enough time with an open heart, you might see that it is trying to give you a tool that can solve future problems, or perhaps a perspective that can change your life like never before. 

So, if you are out there going through some painful phase of life, don’t give up sculpting your life yet. This pain you’re suffering today doesn’t mean the end of the world. You can still turn things around if you channel it into something positive. 

And even if you can’t figure it out right away, don’t worry.
The process of going through this pain will help you calm down.
And soon enough, it will clarify your visions.
Then, a path will unfold itself.
And it will rebuild your character.
So, my friend, let there be pain.